You should know before you read this -- I am not feelin' it this morning. For SOME reason, I am not really in the mood to dish about gowns and such. Maybe it was Slumdog's victory that took the wind out of my sails. Maybe it was the fact that the Oscar people allowed Zack Effron and Vanessa Hudgins to interrupt the AMAZING Beyonce. Also note, I am not going to waste time looking up the proper spelling for any of the proper names of celebs or designers -- deal with it! But I will solider through for you . . . my adoring friends and fans.
Last night we were treated to a new format for the Oscars, and I loved it. In particular, the new way they awarded Best Actor/Actress awards. The suspense associated with which talent among the many past winners will land on stage. The often personal messages from these accomplished actors were awesome to watch. That said, where was recent Grammy winner and Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson? I would loved to have seen her as one of the five former best supporting actress winners. Maybe that would have been too scene-stealing.
My second favorite moment of the evening (stayed tuned for my top and my third favorites!), was Shirley Maclaine's comments to a clearly overwhelmed and touched Anne Hathaway (have I mentioned yet how much I love that girl?). I don't know how she was able to remain as composed as she did, hearing the fabulous Shirley heap praise upon her. I just love Shirley for her amazing abilities as an actress. She marches to the beat of her own drummer, and she makes no apologies for it. She's Hollywood royalty, and it was just a fantastic moment.
Sexiest man alive, Hugh Jackman, last night's host, performed beautifully. First of all, he's absurdly handsome. Like, perfect. And on top of it, the boy can sing and dance his a*s off! Second, he is not a comedian, but I thought he delivered his lines well. I am sure the critics will pan him for something, but I enjoyed it. And who knew Anne Hathway could sing????!!! I wasn't aware I could love her any more, but I do. She can actually sing. Granted, the number was a bit hokey and staged, but it kinda worked. I didn't like the dress she changed into for the number (and those shoes were HIDEOUS -- 10 bucks said her stylist made a trip to PayLess to pick up those ugly little numbers).
The Oscars just LOOKED good last night -- the stage, the tone, and the creativity displayed last night were really beautiful and modern. It just felt special . . . or the Rose Kennedys and the fun I was having with my friends clouded my my judgment. It may have dragged a bit (once again, i raise the same objection I've raised for years -- cut the meaningless awards. Just have a five minute segment, where all those people come out on stage and are announced as the winners), and maybe there was too much dancing -- I'm all for a little dancing now and again, but there's such a thing as too much.
E!'s coverage continued it's remarkable streak . . . another mind-numbing, soul-stealing series of vapid interviews, demonstrating, once again, that I should hosting the red carpet for E!. These dummies are PAID to do this stuff, and they know less about these celebrities and an actors than any of us. I mean, come on. Invest in your jobs a little. Exhibit some interest in learning about your interview subjects. And the Barbara Walters show?? Jonas Brothers?! Look, I realize, I'm not supposed to get them. I am not their target market -- I have ears and an appreciation for good music. But they are not fascinating in any way. I know she produces this special every year -- it's tradition. But if that's your line up -- I suggest putting on a re-run of Desperate Housewives -- or here's a thought: air the final episode of Dirty Sexy Money (scoff if you will, but that show was fabulous!!).
And since we are talking about Babs, let's all take a moment to commiserate on how amazing that woman looks. She's what, 90? And she is so spry and active. Who is her plastic surgeon? Get his or her name and give it to Mickey Rourke, Joan Rivers, Leeza Gibbons (um, have you seen her???!! OH. MY. GAWD. She looks like Mickey Rourke with boobs. It's a horror show! Google a recent picture of her if you haven't seen her. I mean, I'd hide if I were her). Somehow Babs remains human-looking, soft, almost like she hasn't had any work done. Even when she is on "The View," sitting next to Elizabeth Hassle-monster, she looks good. She really does. Bravo Babs. Bravo.
I cannot believe we are so many paragraphs into this, and I have not railed against Sumdog. I've tried to see what so many others see in this picture. I really have. But I can't. And I am well aware that this cheese is standing alone. Well, not alone; I know five other people who feel the exact same way I do about this film. I am so excited that the Oscars are over, and perhaps everyone can stop talking about this film. I'm sick of everyone. Dev, Fritto, Danny Boyle, Tigger bouncing, the horrible music. All of it. Over it. My fear is that just like the Octo-mom story, this talk won't go away. If I never heard another word about either Octo-mom or Slumdog, I'd been a very happy man. If you enjoyed the film, I am thrilled for you. So many otherwise intelligent, interesting people saw it and loved it. To me, it was a decent film, not spectacular. I'd figured the movie out within ten mins of sitting down. It didn't draw me in. I pay money to be entertained or drawn into a story. Slumdog did neither. All this hoopla over a very average piece of work. It's disrespectful to the far superior films that were nominated. Wooden performances, predictable storylines, cheesy love-story. Yuck. I sooner eat a three course meal of peas, lima beans, and butter beans than see that mess again. And to know me is to know I LOATHE legumes. Ugh.
So who dazzled last night?
Taraji P. Henson -- I love this girl, and she just seems real and cool. And girlfriend knows how to get dressed up. Work girl!
Viola Davis (Reem Ackra). let's face it. Sister ain't a pretty gal. But she looked amazing last night in gold Reem Ackra. Her worst accessory? That dude she was with -- was that the former lead singer of Cameo???!!! That haircut was horrendous.
Alicia Keys -- this homophobe (and I believe it is from a place of self-hatred, that's all I'm sayin') rarely gets any plaudits from me. Except for that song "No One" -- it's incredible. But she's generally a fashion nightmare. A stylist's best friend, she (apparently) will wear ANYTHING they tell her to wear -- without questioning it. This generally results in her looking like a clown. But last night it all came together, and she looked amazing. But as my dad always says, "even a blind squirrel can find an acorn every once in awhile."
Diane Lane : God's she's gorgeous. She always looks great, and it doesn't hurt that she's got Josh Brolin on her arm!
Sarah Jessica Parker. You know I love her. And God blessed her with the most amazing body ever. Additionally, she's a wonderful actress. She really is. Further, she's a fashionista, and I applaud her willingness to play and take risks. She was almost PERFECT last night. Almost. Her's a tip -- an open letter of sorts -- to Sarah and all women who have long, unattractive noses (you listening Bird-Beak Cruz?!!!). NEVER wear your hair parted in the middle. It just makes your nose seem even larger. Side part. Side parts are you friend. But otherwise she was a vision. I don't normally like frothy dresses (wait 'till you read what I have to say about Miley Suck-ass and Bird-face Cruz), but this worked.
But let's take a moment to discuss Matthew Broderick. What happened? It looks like he ate Nathan Lane. Or a small village in Africa. Does the man ever get into natural sunlight? Poor chap. Age can be so cruel.
All Hail The Queen! Latifah -- big, toned, beautiful, and elegant. Go girl. I loved her singing "I'll Be Seeing You," but here's a little secret. That's the one "tweak" I didn't like. Here's why. I love the "In Memoriam" portion of every award show. I like the big dramatic music. And I like to get a little choked up as they review the many folks who passed. it's a guilty pleasure. A quiet little moment of self-indulgence. The Queen sang beautifully, but it distracted me from the "In Memoriam" montage. I wanted to concentrate on both the montage and her performance, and I couldn't.
Anne Hathaway: Best of the night. In Armani Prive, that dress was DY- NO- MITE!!!!!! Stunning from front and back - love that jeweled buckle on the top of the back. My guess, that dress cost 60K. But not everyone can pull that dress off. You have to be able to work it. And boy did she work that dress. Man. Incredible.
Angelina Jolie : FINALLY, she showed up looking like she she should. STUNNING. Black Elle Saab gown-- stunning. Emerald jewels -- I could barely take my eyes off of them. Makeup -- perfect. Hair -- flawless. She wins second place for best dressed. I know Team Aniston has more members than Team Jolie, but don't hate. Appreciate. She's devastatingly gorgeous. She and Brad smoldered last night. But their refusal to do substantive interviews annoys me. I'm kinda over it.
Meryl Streep -- regal, lovely. She needed better jewels -- and a necklace.
Amy Adams -- I know some don't agree, but I loved the complication of the necklace AND the dress. She looked fantastic, with a bit of edge. Loved it.
Rachel Wood -- She'll get flack for being so fair and wearing that color dress -- i don't care. She looked amazing.
Tina Fey -- I love Tina. And I don't mind that she always wears black. But she bowed to pressure, but she made the bow a graceful one. Wow she looked AMAZING last night (maybe it was Herve Leger?) . THAT was an Oscar dress. Man, oh man.
Natalie Portman -- gorgeous in pink. Luminous.
Robin Wright Penn -- I never thought she was a great beauty when she was younger, but man she is getting better with age. She looked stunning last night.
Brad Pitt/Daniel Craig -- both classic and excellent;. Bravo!
Tilda Swinton -- perfection. Lanvin is tough to pull off on the red carpet, and she literally looked like she walked off the catwalk. Note, there are FEW people that can pull that outfit off. So please, do not run to Bergdorf's or Neiman's to buy the top and skirt. Chances are, unless you are 5'9" with a stick figure, you can't make that work. As the world's most annoying E! correspondent would say (congrats Juliana DiPandi -- you're no longer the MOST annoying! You can thank Jay -- I'm a tragic queen stuck in the mid 90s with my frosted hair and dour personality --Manuel for that), she was VERY editorial! Strong. Fierce. Elegant.
Halle Berry -- Go girl. What baby? Better than ever.
Angelica Houston -- what time machine did she sit in? Holy snikeies!!!! She looked wonderful!!! Fresh off her amazing guest-starring role on NBC's Medium last year (and unfortunately, the death of her husband) she looked 20 years younger. Good for her!!!
Now, who bombed?
Jessica Biel -- Um, why was that skank even there? That Prada gown was HORRIBLE, yet she made it even worse by pairing it with black satin pumps? Closed toe, black, satin, cobby-cuddler, pumps. WHAT on earth was she thinking? During the current economic downturn those who CAN should be spending money -- by not paying a stylist, make-up artist, or hair-stylist I am ready to place Jessica along side Bernie Madoff, greed, etc as reasons for our failed economy! Come off the duckets sister, and get some professional help. Just because Justin Timberlake clearly has a thing for horsey-faced girls, doesn't mean the rest of us do. Yuck. Rihanna looked better after Chris Brown got done with her in that car. Do us all a favor, disappear. Come back when you've had a shower, ran a comb through that nest, and learned how to apply make-up. Go ahead, have the nose-job Jennifer Grey had. It worked for her! (did you see HER on the red-carpet -- AMAZING!!! I for one am glad she got that nose-job that made her look like a different person -- she needed that! And so does Jessica.)
Penelope Cruz -- Bird-beak strikes again. Another disgusting red-carpet appearance. I'm not surprised. This woman often appears as though she dressed in the dark, and that sad trend continues. That dress was HORRIBLE. Vintage Balhmain (sp?) . Who cares.! It shoulda been burned 59 years ago instead of saved. Looking like a giant, moldy cake, Bird-beak won an Oscar. What a shame. Now she must be referred to as Academy Award winning, former Tom Cruise "love interest" (hold the laughter), favorite Beard, Penelope "Bird Beak" Cruz. Ugh.
Kate Winslett -- I love Kate, as an actress and a person. Well, I don't know her personally. But she seems great, and I've heard she's really quite cool. This award show season has been wonderful for her, and she's looked great accepting all of her awards. But this YSL disappointed. Great color. And from the neck up -- flawless. Another disappointment -- her father -- why the hell was he dressed as Zoro??!!! Did someone tell him the show was a costume party?
Jennifer Aniston -- I have a complicated relationship with Maniston. I LOVE her on screen. Love her. She's a delight. I've never seen a film with her (or a tv show) that I didn't fall in love with her on screen. And recently, she changed her hair and dropped the middle part in favor of a side part. Great! The dress was awesome. Her hair? HOT. MESS. What was she thinking with that braid? Clearly her hairstylist hates her. I mean, she's presenting at the Oscars, in front of Brad and Angie -- she needed to look her most ravishing best. Send the message "Brad who?! I am 40 and FABULOUS." Instead, she was stuck with mindless, Bruce Vallance patter, with a piece of rope across her forehead, and that talentless hack Jack Black (note to Jack: DUDE, you are NO Artie Lang). If you looked carefully, her face just continued to fall during each agonizing second she was on stage. Poor Jen. It didn't help that Angie showed up looking amazing last night.
Frida " the little frito" Pinto -- Yes, she is gorgeous. No question. But that gown was awful. Terrible. An all-around F. Who told her to buy her Oscar gown at "Charlotte Russe?" I know it was Galliano, but I'm thinking it wasn't John Galliano. Instead it was his mentally challenged, and legally blind younger brother Corky Galliano. That would explain everything. That said, of hat whole annoying "Slumdog" crew, she's the ONE I like. She actually seems sweet and cool.
Zack Gayfron -- I don't get this kid. Nor do I understand why so many people I know are obsessed with him. I just don't get it. Last night, the hair was wrong. The bow tie was wrong. The tux was wrong. It was just all wrong. Hot effin' mess.
Mickey Rourke -- Jesus. Really? A white suit? Come on dude. I know his doggie just passed (and lord knows I feel horribly for him), but there's no excuse. What would have surprised us is if he'd shown up with a hair cut (or at least combed), a classic tux, an actual tied tie, and white shirt. Enough with the homeless chic look.
Beyonce -- this really hurts me. Really and truly. What the HELL was she thinking?! I was sitting next to my buddy Mark when she appeared on the red carpet. The room broke into laughter, and he said, "that's gotta be from that horrible clothing line she started with her mother." I said, "it's bad dude, but my girl knows better than to hit a red-carpet with some piece of crap from House of Dereon." I awoke this morning to learn -- that dress WAS by House of Dereon. Damn it B?! Come on! You're killing me. Plus, that dress was an assault on the eyes. it was even worse than Bird-beak-Beard-Cruz's dress. I am despondent.
Phillips Seymor Hoffman: Look, what is this guy to do? He's a over-weight, unattractive slob who happens to be a brilliant actor. Here's what you do. GET A HAIR CUT. Don't wear a knit cap. Wear a white formal shirt (another open letter to men generally -- black tuxedo, black shirt -- no tie. And you have to look like Brad, Daniel Craig, High Jackman etc to pull it off. If you aren't hot, this ain't the look for you. Black tux, black shirt, black tie. NO. Under NO circumstances. Ever. It's just wrong. It's been done, and overdone. It looks absurd. ). Bathe. Have your pants hemmed. realize that doc martins don't go with a tux. Thank you.
Marissa Tomei -- Awful. Hair, Versace dress, make up -- awful. Her date was her only good accessory! She just can't get it right. Poor baby.
My favorite moment of the evening? Sean Penn's acceptance speech (he was dressed horribly though). He's a brilliant actor, and I thought his speech was fantastic. As was Dustin Lance Black's speech (writer for MILK). My third favorite --- BEYONCE. Out of that disgusting gown, and in a hot red number -- WORK GURL. WORK!!! "You're the one that I want" has NEVER been sung better. Frankly, I'd pay money to listen to her gargle, so I might be a tad biased.
That's all folks!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Academy Awards II
I've returned home, and on my drive home, I determined I was going to (attempt) recreate my commentary on this mornings' Academy Awards announcements. But I've decided that wonderful missive is lost forever, and any attempt to recreate it would be futile.
But never fear, in the hours since my computer failed me, someone made me aware of an issue regarding the Academy that requires my full attention. Best Song nominees were announced, and the category can -- like all others -- herald five nominees. This year, the Academy decided to restrict the category to three nominees. In so doing they excluded two people: Beyonce and Miley Cyrus. As to the later, I applaud the Academy. Anything to rush this girl's fifteen minutes to its inevitable conclusion I support. That said, to ignore the incomparable Beyonce is unforgivable. The song should have won the category -- let alone earned a nomination. A bonus for the often boring telecast is the performance of a true star. A truly amazing talent.
Idiots.
I want to know who made the decision to limit the category. I want a Senate investigation into this travesty.
I have spoken.
But never fear, in the hours since my computer failed me, someone made me aware of an issue regarding the Academy that requires my full attention. Best Song nominees were announced, and the category can -- like all others -- herald five nominees. This year, the Academy decided to restrict the category to three nominees. In so doing they excluded two people: Beyonce and Miley Cyrus. As to the later, I applaud the Academy. Anything to rush this girl's fifteen minutes to its inevitable conclusion I support. That said, to ignore the incomparable Beyonce is unforgivable. The song should have won the category -- let alone earned a nomination. A bonus for the often boring telecast is the performance of a true star. A truly amazing talent.
Idiots.
I want to know who made the decision to limit the category. I want a Senate investigation into this travesty.
I have spoken.
Academy Awards
After loving preparing a blurb on the just announced Academy Award nominations, I began to edit it. Hitting some key on my keyboard ERASED it all. Maybe you heard the scream in your own home. It was great. But I don't have the time or patience to recreate it. Nor could I. So here is a quick primer to tide you over: jeers for the exclusion of Revolution Road (except for Mike Shannon's best supporting nom), cheers for only giving Slumdog appropriate award (well, the best picture nod was a gift), jeers for nominating a few films/performances I haven't seen so that I now need to spend MORE time at my local cineplex; cheers to Anne Hathaway; jeers: who is Melissa Leo? Who is Richard Jenkins?; cheers to the supporting actress nom to Taj Henson (Brad's momma in Ben Buttons); cheers for including Ben Buttons in a bunch of categories (it deserved it). More later.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Slumdog is . . .
Overrated. There, I said it. Monday, I went to my local cineplex to immerse myself in the majesty that is "Slumdog." I'd heard people raving. People whose opinions I trust. People who love film. As you know from earlier posts, I'd declared this film "this year's 'Little Miss Sunshine.'" In the next breath, I admitted I hadn't seen it, but that I was going to see the film -- with a completely open mind.
So I did. With me, several of my girl-fridays. Two and one half hours later, we emerged from the darkened theatre. I looked at each of their faces -- straining to see reaction. Their blank faces mirrored mine. I turned to girl-friday A and said, "so. . . . " She shrugged her shoulders. "It was fine. . . . " A rush of relief washed over me. As the credits began, and the nonsensical final sequence began, I thought to myself, "just as I thought. Overrated."
I feel like a McCain supporter on the most recent election night. Why is everyone so excited about this film? I found the script to be interesting (cute idea, admittedly), but the plot development was transparent. The performances were wooden (well, except for the two kids who played the lead actor's character earlier in his life -- they deserve some accolades). The cinematography vomit-inducing. On it's own, the film is fine. A perfectly fine way to spend nearly three hours. But it does not hold a candle to it's "competitors" in this years ' awards race.
I'm the first one to admit that my tastes aren't shared by all. I have been wrong in the past, and I am always seeking an opportunity to learn and grow. I've consulted with several experts about my reaction to the film. I've pleaded, "help me! why am I one of the only people who wasn't raving about this movie after I saw it?! What did I miss? I want to understand what I missed."
I am still waiting to hear. Until then, I stand by my assessment -- overrated.
I have spoken.
So I did. With me, several of my girl-fridays. Two and one half hours later, we emerged from the darkened theatre. I looked at each of their faces -- straining to see reaction. Their blank faces mirrored mine. I turned to girl-friday A and said, "so. . . . " She shrugged her shoulders. "It was fine. . . . " A rush of relief washed over me. As the credits began, and the nonsensical final sequence began, I thought to myself, "just as I thought. Overrated."
I feel like a McCain supporter on the most recent election night. Why is everyone so excited about this film? I found the script to be interesting (cute idea, admittedly), but the plot development was transparent. The performances were wooden (well, except for the two kids who played the lead actor's character earlier in his life -- they deserve some accolades). The cinematography vomit-inducing. On it's own, the film is fine. A perfectly fine way to spend nearly three hours. But it does not hold a candle to it's "competitors" in this years ' awards race.
I'm the first one to admit that my tastes aren't shared by all. I have been wrong in the past, and I am always seeking an opportunity to learn and grow. I've consulted with several experts about my reaction to the film. I've pleaded, "help me! why am I one of the only people who wasn't raving about this movie after I saw it?! What did I miss? I want to understand what I missed."
I am still waiting to hear. Until then, I stand by my assessment -- overrated.
I have spoken.
Historic vs. Historical
Am I the only one that has noticed these words being used inappropriately/improperly in the last year? Am I the only one who knows how to use these two words properly? Historic. Historical. Am I alone?
The swearing in of President Obama was historic.
The dress the First Lady wore last night will have historical significance once it has been donated to the Smithsonian.
It's fine. The cheese stands alone. Again.
I have spoken.
The swearing in of President Obama was historic.
The dress the First Lady wore last night will have historical significance once it has been donated to the Smithsonian.
It's fine. The cheese stands alone. Again.
I have spoken.
President and the First Lady's Fashion First Steps
First, thank God the prior administration is gone.
Second, I'm looking for the executive order repealing the ludicrous restriction against government funding for scientists using stem cells for their research. I'm looking for this to come this week. Or next. As the President said in his inaugural, it IS time to allow science to move forward again.
Third, how stoked would I be to two-step while Beyonce serenades me with one of my favorite songs of all time : Etta's "At Last." The media interviewed Lady B following her performance, and her candor was so wonderful to hear. She was so emotionally impacted, so honored to have been asked, and so incredibly humbled. It made me love her even more than I already to (I wasn't even sure I could love her more, but apparently, I can).
Fourth, the fashion. Let's just say this: the First Couple looked great. They are attractive people and they were glowing yesterday. That speech was SOOOO awesome. And those adorable little girls -- how cute are those babies!!!. But I have a few "suggestions:"
a) appoint me as the "first fashionista."
b) by following my suggestion about, never again will you wear evening clothes (commonly referred to as a "tuxedo") that don't have a peak lapel. It's one of my pet peeves. Notch lapels are quite common and popular. But they aren't actually so. Through the years they have become accepted, but they are not traditional, or frankly, proper. They have become acceptable in evening wear like the non-words "incentivize" and "pro-active."
c) I LOVED what Michelle wore for the inaugural festivities -- the green accessories were such a cool touch as well. The evening gown. Um. Well, it was okay. And it made a statement. And I appreciated that she selected an American designer, who was unknown, and changed his life. But it wasn't the best gown for her. It didn't look nearly as well-made or expensive as her day outfit. I approve of the color for sure (if Nancy Reagan could wear it, so can Michelle). And that wintry white works with her gorgeous skin. I thought the skirt was a great idea, but it actually made her look hippy -- and she isn't. I would have liked the top better without the strap, I think. The strap looked too much like an afterthought.
d) the matchy white tie was more than a hiccup. It was simply wrong. Black tie means just that. Creative black tie affords you "personality room." Otherwise, the tie MUST be black, and you can let your braces or studs express some "personality." Or your pocket silk. That's it. Also, matching your tie to your dates dress is so very prom. Plus you NEVER wear a white tie unless you are in tails. Period. There is no debate. And there's no 'CHANGE" needed on these style rules.
Again, I have spoken. :)
Second, I'm looking for the executive order repealing the ludicrous restriction against government funding for scientists using stem cells for their research. I'm looking for this to come this week. Or next. As the President said in his inaugural, it IS time to allow science to move forward again.
Third, how stoked would I be to two-step while Beyonce serenades me with one of my favorite songs of all time : Etta's "At Last." The media interviewed Lady B following her performance, and her candor was so wonderful to hear. She was so emotionally impacted, so honored to have been asked, and so incredibly humbled. It made me love her even more than I already to (I wasn't even sure I could love her more, but apparently, I can).
Fourth, the fashion. Let's just say this: the First Couple looked great. They are attractive people and they were glowing yesterday. That speech was SOOOO awesome. And those adorable little girls -- how cute are those babies!!!. But I have a few "suggestions:"
a) appoint me as the "first fashionista."
b) by following my suggestion about, never again will you wear evening clothes (commonly referred to as a "tuxedo") that don't have a peak lapel. It's one of my pet peeves. Notch lapels are quite common and popular. But they aren't actually so. Through the years they have become accepted, but they are not traditional, or frankly, proper. They have become acceptable in evening wear like the non-words "incentivize" and "pro-active."
c) I LOVED what Michelle wore for the inaugural festivities -- the green accessories were such a cool touch as well. The evening gown. Um. Well, it was okay. And it made a statement. And I appreciated that she selected an American designer, who was unknown, and changed his life. But it wasn't the best gown for her. It didn't look nearly as well-made or expensive as her day outfit. I approve of the color for sure (if Nancy Reagan could wear it, so can Michelle). And that wintry white works with her gorgeous skin. I thought the skirt was a great idea, but it actually made her look hippy -- and she isn't. I would have liked the top better without the strap, I think. The strap looked too much like an afterthought.
d) the matchy white tie was more than a hiccup. It was simply wrong. Black tie means just that. Creative black tie affords you "personality room." Otherwise, the tie MUST be black, and you can let your braces or studs express some "personality." Or your pocket silk. That's it. Also, matching your tie to your dates dress is so very prom. Plus you NEVER wear a white tie unless you are in tails. Period. There is no debate. And there's no 'CHANGE" needed on these style rules.
Again, I have spoken. :)
Aussie Open
As a tennis fanatic, I figured it is my duty to provide you with my picks for the tournament. I WANT Serena Williams to win the whole thing. I know it is more likely that tranny-in-a-dress Jelena will get to the final (darn it) or Elena Dementiva (she's a voice doppelganger for Steffi Graf, no?!) I keep hoping Serena's actually going to destroy the field -- if not her, Venus.
As for the men's side, I'd love to see Novak repeat as champion. But Andy's got the momentum, and he's been playing brilliant tennis. My guess is that Rafa isn't 100 percent (I'd love to see him win), and the "development opportunites" in Roger's game have been exposed. It's going to be interesting. My money's on Murray, but my heart's with Novak.
There you go. I have spoken.
As for the men's side, I'd love to see Novak repeat as champion. But Andy's got the momentum, and he's been playing brilliant tennis. My guess is that Rafa isn't 100 percent (I'd love to see him win), and the "development opportunites" in Roger's game have been exposed. It's going to be interesting. My money's on Murray, but my heart's with Novak.
There you go. I have spoken.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Beauty of January 20th
I am overwhelmed this morning. Despite my expensive and substantial education, words fail me. This happens so rarely -- the last time it happened was election night. I wish that I could put into words the emotion that is running through my head and my heart, but sadly, I cannot think of words beautiful or significant enough to do so. I can sing, but I cannot find the right note. I can paint, but I cannot find a canvas worthy of it. It's an incredibly frustrating feeling -- not being able to express this emotion.
What started as an improbable dream has come to fruition. Election night found me vacillating between being amazed and dissolved in tears. Sunday's concert at Lincoln's memorial was an expression of song and a gathering of talents that found me wanting it to never end (what a concert and history lesson rolled into one!) And on this gloriously sunny, crisp morning, I am again vacillating. But of two things I am sure: I am so proud to be an American, and I am so happy to be alive.
I am not expecting miracles from our new President. No one I know is expecting him to wave a wand and banish our problems to the past. But it is the start of a new era. And I (and others) will expect our new President to bring accountability, responsibility, selflessness, and kindness back to our country. I am confident that this will repair and further strenghten our Union.
When I reflect on our great nation's history, I cannot help but land on thoughts of those disenfranchised forefathers (and mothers). What those people went through, and here we are today. I cannot help but recall that not long ago, only a few years before my birth, this country was a very different place. The life I have enjoyed wouldn't have been possible. The experiences I've been so blessed and privileged to enjoy -- had I been born at a different time -- well, I likely wouldn't have any of it. It's almost as though the America I've enjoyed and loved is now available to all.
It's amazing to witness history. Too often in my life, we've suffered through tragic historic moments. It's so amazing to get to enjoy a historic moment of beauty.
What started as an improbable dream has come to fruition. Election night found me vacillating between being amazed and dissolved in tears. Sunday's concert at Lincoln's memorial was an expression of song and a gathering of talents that found me wanting it to never end (what a concert and history lesson rolled into one!) And on this gloriously sunny, crisp morning, I am again vacillating. But of two things I am sure: I am so proud to be an American, and I am so happy to be alive.
I am not expecting miracles from our new President. No one I know is expecting him to wave a wand and banish our problems to the past. But it is the start of a new era. And I (and others) will expect our new President to bring accountability, responsibility, selflessness, and kindness back to our country. I am confident that this will repair and further strenghten our Union.
When I reflect on our great nation's history, I cannot help but land on thoughts of those disenfranchised forefathers (and mothers). What those people went through, and here we are today. I cannot help but recall that not long ago, only a few years before my birth, this country was a very different place. The life I have enjoyed wouldn't have been possible. The experiences I've been so blessed and privileged to enjoy -- had I been born at a different time -- well, I likely wouldn't have any of it. It's almost as though the America I've enjoyed and loved is now available to all.
It's amazing to witness history. Too often in my life, we've suffered through tragic historic moments. It's so amazing to get to enjoy a historic moment of beauty.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Golden Globes In Review
For the benefit of those that did not get this email on Monday afternoon -- my Golden Globe wrap-up/fashion review! Now in its 13th year! I love awards show season!
Excuse the typos etc -- it was a quickly composed and dashed-off missive. I'm not paid to do this! I am just trying to make my friends laugh!
Hey Kids! Another year, another Globes. And what a Globes it was. As I've said in past commentaries, the rises of stylists has made my job harder. There are fewer complete misses as there have been in years past. No worries, Detail Dart is on the case -- there's plenty to discuss.
Let me start with this -- the top item on my list of things to do this week? See SLUMDOG. And not for the reasons you might think. Well, if you know me, you'll know why. Here's the deal. "Slumdog" is this year's "Little Miss Sunshine." A few years ago, "LMS" earned raves from around the world, so imagine my shock when I finally slogged to the theatre to see it -- let's just say I was underwhelemed. Granted, I enjoyed it. Was it worth all the buzz -- no. And before anyone who has consumed the "Slumdog" kool-aid begins protesting, let me remind you that at least three people who were screaming and carrying on about "LMS" are now screaming about "Slumdog." Fool me once. . . . Stay tuned. I will eat a plate of peas if it turns out I love "Slumdog." And I WILL go into this with an open mind. Promise. That said, I am going to have to force myself to go because the very premise of the film is one that I would take a pass on under ordinary circumstances. A love story centered around "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." Um, 1997 is calling -- it wants its script back. Nothing about it appeals to me (and that same sentiment goes for "The Wrestler" -- watching a surgically disfigured Mikey Rourke and a topless Marisa Tomei is not my idea of a fun way to spend two hours. To say nothing of back-drop of the film -- "professional" wrestling. I'd rather shoot myself with dog poo than watch wrestling and pad Vince McMahon's pockets -- but I digress). But I am going to go so that I can speak authoritatively about the nominated films (and those films and performances that SHOULD have been). Having seen most of the other films, I'd be hard pressed to believe that Slumdog could come close to the majesty of "Ben Buttons," the brilliance of "Doubt," the gut-wrenching beauty of "Revolutionary Road," or the inspirationally fantastic "Milk."
But enough highbrow, let's get to the good stuff: the sartorial highs and lows of the Hollywood elite. Last night was a big night for six things:1) 30 Rock (yay!); 2) Slumdog (no comment); 3) the designer J. Mendel (what a night!); 4) the mermaid silhouette; 5) gorgeous statement necklaces; and regrettably 6) Rachel Zoe. It is this last item that troubles me the most. As a closeted devotee of Bravo's "The Rachel Zoe Project," I've gotten to "know" Ms Zoe and her annoying butt-part hairdo. One of the things I've learned from the show (other than the incredibly annoying phrase, "that'sssss . . .bananas."), is that Rachel's brand of "styling" involves making her victims, I mean CLIENTS, look as much like her as possible. This wouldn't be a bad thing if Rachel looked like Halle Berry, Megan Fox, or Charlize Theron, but folks, let's face it (ha ha! face), that ain't a face or a look you want starring at you from the cover of US Weekly while you are in line at the grocery. Or prancing down a red carpet. Or walking down the street. It's a face and look you expect on a WANTED poster. Let me start with this: when will folks learn that the butt-part hairdon't doesn't look good on ANYONE -- even Charlize or Halle. Unless your nose is the size of a dime, this hairdon't frames your face to accentuate your schnoz. It makes it's wearer look like the Wicked Witch of the West -- sans the green skin and warts (hopefully!). Pair that with those six inch deep crop lines across Rachel's forehead and you've got a REAL. Hot. Mess. Much to my horror (but secret, sick delight) Rachel's influence was everywhere. Much like UGGs or Crocs -- and not nearly as attractive. Only one of her clients (that I know of) escaped the ravages of it; Mrs. Ashton Kutcher. Demi, radiant in Christian Dior is a big client for Rachel (well, at least according to the show) and she did well by her. Actually, neither Rachel nor God can take credit for Demi's look -- but her surgeons can! Born a gorgeous gal, SHE is the poster child for plastic surgery. You look at Mickey Rourke and you think, "God really does have a sense of humor . . . I mean, I will never have a surgeons' knife touch my face!" But then you see Demi and you find yourself flying to your computer to Ask.com and typing the question "who is Demi Moore's plastic surgeon?"
The person who took the most horrifying Zoe-hit: poor Debra Messing. If you've been with me for awhile, you should remember when I would get so excited to see her on the red carpet. Each show was a bigger triumph than the last. Then, something happened. Something terrible. I remember her first red carpet "miss" -- I bet that's when RZ slithered into her life. With few exceptions, each red carpet appearance has been a glaring disappointment. The dress itself wasn't terrible -- although Vera Wang has done MUCH better work in the past --, but the hair and make-up were vintage Zoe. Why would anyone want to look like bag-lady Zoe? Debra: honey. Sweetie. Let's return to the days when you were making up for the non-existent boobies by being the hottest woman on the carpet -- those nappy curls were always tamed, blown straight, flat-ironed into full submission, and sleek. The make-up made you look like a modern day Rita Hayworth, and the gowns were always stunning. You've traded down sister. Leave homeless "chic" to the Zoester. I'll style you next year. For free!
Before I rail further, let me give some shouts out;Best Dressed Ladies:
Eva Longoria -- that is glamour. WOW.
Christina Applegate -- the newest member of the one boob club threw it down on the carpet last nite. She always looks so great. And ladies, if you are looking for a style icon -- watch her show "Samantha Who" (Monday's ABC at 9:00 -- she always looks fantastic, and a lot of her outfits are available at normal mall-based stores).
Maggie -- Jake's sister: she has NEVER looked better. Honestly, she's always good for a red carpet blunder, but this year she KILLED in Lanvin (also Kristin Scott Thompson in Lanvin). She looked amazing. AMAZING. And she handled the absurdly stupid questions about Heath Ledger (on both E! and NBC's red carpet coverage beautifully). Seriously, how hard is it to interview these people? This is their job, and you'd think these "correspondents" emerged from a cave to do the interviews. Who DIDN'T know that Sting was NOT NOMINATED for a Globe? Someonme get me Gaycrest's number. I guarantee you that my audition tape would ensiure Juliana DiPandi's return to obscurity (seriously, people, WHY does this woman still have a job???!!! Sophie's poo is more articulate and frankly way more attractive) .
Elizabeth Moss -- loved the 1950's cocktail dress in red. Very "Written on the Wind"
Kate Winslett -- absolutely stunning. I love her. And her performance in "Revolutionary Road" -- incredible.
Beyonce -- can you believe it took me this long to discuss her?! She was a complete knockout in Elle Saab (the designer popularized by Halle Berry for years -- a number of people sport him now). Did you see the necklace???!!!! I bet that's hers and it ain't borrowed. Jay-Z's got MAD money (and he's GOT to be coughing it up -- Together those two look like a kidnapping. I keep looking for the gun he is clearly got to her back. I mean, he is immensely talented and successful, but DAYUM! he's ugly. God. And she's one of the most beautiful women in the world and RICH and successful. She could do SOOOOO much better. Like yours truly! or more realistically, how about . . . um, anyone!
Anne Hathaway --- another favorite of mine, Anne positively glowed last night. The dress was killer. Perfect hair, perfect make-up. And her performance in "Rachel Getting Married" absolutely deserved a Globe nod.
Kate Capshaw (Spielberg's wife) - best she's ever looked. being rich really does mean you can look good. I don't know what Rachel Zoe's excuse is. . . .
Rachel Griffiths -- "the nose from down un-DAH" has always been a target of mine for her red-carpet mis-steps, but she really came to play last night.
Cameron Diaz -- I loved her look -- I am pretty sure that was Chanel. She coulda used a brush too.
Meghan Fox -- again, one of the hottest women ever born, was stunning in gold Armani
Jane Krakowski -- beautiful, old Hollywood.
Kate Beckinsdale -- someone saved her life and fed her. And thank God they did. Amazing J. Mendel dress. She's back baby!!!!
Laura Liney -- breee-zilllllli-ant actress and girlfriend looked her best ever. Amazing Elle Saab gown, and she looked stunning. Like sunshine.
January Jones -- (star of Mad Men and actress who most deserved to win her category) two words: Veronica. Lake.
And I know the person who will take the biggest beating from last night -- Renee Zellweger-- but. I am going to surprise you: I liked it. Not 100 percent, but I did like it. That gown (Carolina Herrera? or Chanel?) was TREMENDOUS. So old Hollywood. Made her look 10 feet tall and gave her boy-like figure some curves. I can see Joan Crawford, Gene Tierany, Rita, or a young liz taylor wearing this same gown back in their heydays. But it was modernized. Now, the hair was a mess. And make-up artists STILL haven't figured out a way to put this girl in make-up that doesn't make her look washed out, blotchy, and pale. That said, from the neck down -- I stand by the dress. Take your best shot.
Best Dressed Guy:
Simon Baker (smooth talker who beds Anne Hathaway's character in "Devil Wears Prada") was different, but gorgeous. Remember, "evening clothes" for men started as midnight blue. The Duke of Windsor himself fancied the midnight blue evening suit. Plus, when you look like that. . . Aaron Eckhart -- hawt.
Leo -- man. Man. For years this guy has demonstrated he's grown up and matured into one of our finest actors (move over Ed Norton), and he shows up at award shows looking every bit the classic Hollywood star. In Armani. Of course.
Brad -- in Tom Ford -- other than the fact that he needed to trim the goatee (those gray hairs can be unruly -- believe me -- I know), he looked great. But since Angelina showed up looking like she forgot to brush her hair . . . . (more on her later)
Terrence Howard: Good showing.
Tommy Cruise: Yeah, yeah, the guy is annoying. check. But he looked great last night. In HAND MADE Armani. First, that means he bought it. Second, how much do you think THAT cost??? Not Haute Couture. Hand woven, hand-made by Armani. Although I normally think double-breasted should be worn ONLY by men over 5'10", it somehow worked for Thomas.
Okay, enough praise. Now for the good stuff.
Poor Nancy O'Dell. I know she wanted to look different -- a different ray of light on the red carpet. Unfortunately, she looked different -- lovely. Lovely said like you would to a date who shows up to take you to a black-tie gala in a powder tuxedo (name the person who originally spoke that line for a prize!). But let me suggest this: someone should call Cher right now to have an emergency counsel meeting to revoke the gay cards of the queens who styled her for last night's show. I mean, really. Nancy seems nice. Why on earth would you make her look like . . well. . Rachel Zoe??!!! (Yup, it's Rachel's year!) So, so sad.
J Lo: two words sister: It's OV-VAH. Go back to Miami with Skeletor-Latino (Marc Anthony) and take care of those babies. Gold Marchesa. Hmm. It screamed "pay attention to me so I can feel somehow relevant!!!!" And it failed. Big time!
Drew Barrymore: I loved the dress. Loved it. And I know what her queens were going for with the hair -- they wanted Marylin Monroe. Sadly it was more Rose Nyland from the Golden Girls. Cotton candy. And I know her make-up artist is a black queen because he smothered her eyelids with that horrible, 'round-the-way-girl sky blue eye shadow. I mean, lord. And poor Jessica Lange. Age is so cruel.
Angelina. Look, I am on team Jolie -- that said, now that Jennifer Aniston lost the butt-part in favor of the side part, I MIGHT rethink things ( i do love Jen in movies) -- but seriously, that's the worst she's looked on the red carpet since she had her tongue down her brother's throat. I'm not even sure she knew she was going to be on tv. That drab grey dress. That "I lost a brush in here" hair. Yikes.
Ashton -- hey dude, Tom Jones from 1978 -- who told you that was hot? I know, I know -- Rachel Zoe. Damn, the b*tch strikes again.
Lawrence Fishburn -- um. No.
America Ferrera: honey, no need to attend award shows in character as Ugly Betty. I mean, that's the ugliest Oscar de la Renta cocktail dress I've ever seen. And she can't wear a butt-part either.
Eva Mendez -- she's just trash. I mean, she cursed on air (red carpet), acted like a total b*tch, and all of that ruined her otherwise perfect hair and make up (renee -- take a page), and a great dress -- but for that growth from the 80s on the right side.
As for the awards, did anyone notice that over 70% of the awards went to non-Americans? That's one. And before you fire up the hate mail, I simply NOTICED this -- I didn't say this was a bad thing. Two, Mickey Rourk's speech was disgusting. Disgusting, I tells ya. And his very appearance. I mean, honestly -- ooohhhh, oooooo it's his big comeback. Really? To what?!!! I don't recall a big push for films about The Elephant Man or Monsters? Other than a "Mask" remake, what can he possibly star in? A fun romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon? Um, not so much. I will say this: he actually might benefit from Rachel Zoe's styling -- it can't get worse, can it? John Hamm from Mad Men was robbed of a repeat as "best actor in a series" award (he won last year). And Ana Pachyderm, I mean Pacquin, robbed the far more deserving Kyra Sedgwick (sister lost all her money in that Madoff scandal -- poor Baconwick (no? I'm trying it out). I LOVE Kyra in "The Closer" -if you aren't watching, TNT Jan. 26th) or January Jones. That show Ana's on -- "True Blood" -- is unwatchable (yeah, I know, the cheese stands alone here -- again), and other than the fact that she shows her boobs a lot, what is she bringing to the table?
Who was that eating-disorder skank who won for "Happy Go Lucky?" I could spend paragraphs on her, but that'd be like taking candy from a baby.
Tom Brokaw -- kudos for wearing velvet, but didn't it look like Tom was smuggling a turkey under that thing? Look, when my clothes don't fit, it's understandable. I am poor, and I don't appear on television (darn networks!). Tom's rich! A seamstress isn't too much to ask for, is it?
Paul Giamoti -- the perfect example of Hollywood's double standard. No woman that ugly is ever allowed on screen unless they are playing toothless, cockney hags. Or on Bravo's "The Rachel Zoe Project." And note to Paul -- I love him as an actor -- enough with the John Adams mutton-chops. The film wrapped a year ago. Also, belts are not to be worn with formal clothing.
Tracy Morgan -- this brand of humor doesn;'t sit well with me. Also, a white jacket is approprate post Easter, pre-labor day or in the tropics.
Only two weeks until the SAG wrap-up! Stay tuned!
Excuse the typos etc -- it was a quickly composed and dashed-off missive. I'm not paid to do this! I am just trying to make my friends laugh!
Hey Kids! Another year, another Globes. And what a Globes it was. As I've said in past commentaries, the rises of stylists has made my job harder. There are fewer complete misses as there have been in years past. No worries, Detail Dart is on the case -- there's plenty to discuss.
Let me start with this -- the top item on my list of things to do this week? See SLUMDOG. And not for the reasons you might think. Well, if you know me, you'll know why. Here's the deal. "Slumdog" is this year's "Little Miss Sunshine." A few years ago, "LMS" earned raves from around the world, so imagine my shock when I finally slogged to the theatre to see it -- let's just say I was underwhelemed. Granted, I enjoyed it. Was it worth all the buzz -- no. And before anyone who has consumed the "Slumdog" kool-aid begins protesting, let me remind you that at least three people who were screaming and carrying on about "LMS" are now screaming about "Slumdog." Fool me once. . . . Stay tuned. I will eat a plate of peas if it turns out I love "Slumdog." And I WILL go into this with an open mind. Promise. That said, I am going to have to force myself to go because the very premise of the film is one that I would take a pass on under ordinary circumstances. A love story centered around "Who Wants to be a Millionaire." Um, 1997 is calling -- it wants its script back. Nothing about it appeals to me (and that same sentiment goes for "The Wrestler" -- watching a surgically disfigured Mikey Rourke and a topless Marisa Tomei is not my idea of a fun way to spend two hours. To say nothing of back-drop of the film -- "professional" wrestling. I'd rather shoot myself with dog poo than watch wrestling and pad Vince McMahon's pockets -- but I digress). But I am going to go so that I can speak authoritatively about the nominated films (and those films and performances that SHOULD have been). Having seen most of the other films, I'd be hard pressed to believe that Slumdog could come close to the majesty of "Ben Buttons," the brilliance of "Doubt," the gut-wrenching beauty of "Revolutionary Road," or the inspirationally fantastic "Milk."
But enough highbrow, let's get to the good stuff: the sartorial highs and lows of the Hollywood elite. Last night was a big night for six things:1) 30 Rock (yay!); 2) Slumdog (no comment); 3) the designer J. Mendel (what a night!); 4) the mermaid silhouette; 5) gorgeous statement necklaces; and regrettably 6) Rachel Zoe. It is this last item that troubles me the most. As a closeted devotee of Bravo's "The Rachel Zoe Project," I've gotten to "know" Ms Zoe and her annoying butt-part hairdo. One of the things I've learned from the show (other than the incredibly annoying phrase, "that'sssss . . .bananas."), is that Rachel's brand of "styling" involves making her victims, I mean CLIENTS, look as much like her as possible. This wouldn't be a bad thing if Rachel looked like Halle Berry, Megan Fox, or Charlize Theron, but folks, let's face it (ha ha! face), that ain't a face or a look you want starring at you from the cover of US Weekly while you are in line at the grocery. Or prancing down a red carpet. Or walking down the street. It's a face and look you expect on a WANTED poster. Let me start with this: when will folks learn that the butt-part hairdon't doesn't look good on ANYONE -- even Charlize or Halle. Unless your nose is the size of a dime, this hairdon't frames your face to accentuate your schnoz. It makes it's wearer look like the Wicked Witch of the West -- sans the green skin and warts (hopefully!). Pair that with those six inch deep crop lines across Rachel's forehead and you've got a REAL. Hot. Mess. Much to my horror (but secret, sick delight) Rachel's influence was everywhere. Much like UGGs or Crocs -- and not nearly as attractive. Only one of her clients (that I know of) escaped the ravages of it; Mrs. Ashton Kutcher. Demi, radiant in Christian Dior is a big client for Rachel (well, at least according to the show) and she did well by her. Actually, neither Rachel nor God can take credit for Demi's look -- but her surgeons can! Born a gorgeous gal, SHE is the poster child for plastic surgery. You look at Mickey Rourke and you think, "God really does have a sense of humor . . . I mean, I will never have a surgeons' knife touch my face!" But then you see Demi and you find yourself flying to your computer to Ask.com and typing the question "who is Demi Moore's plastic surgeon?"
The person who took the most horrifying Zoe-hit: poor Debra Messing. If you've been with me for awhile, you should remember when I would get so excited to see her on the red carpet. Each show was a bigger triumph than the last. Then, something happened. Something terrible. I remember her first red carpet "miss" -- I bet that's when RZ slithered into her life. With few exceptions, each red carpet appearance has been a glaring disappointment. The dress itself wasn't terrible -- although Vera Wang has done MUCH better work in the past --, but the hair and make-up were vintage Zoe. Why would anyone want to look like bag-lady Zoe? Debra: honey. Sweetie. Let's return to the days when you were making up for the non-existent boobies by being the hottest woman on the carpet -- those nappy curls were always tamed, blown straight, flat-ironed into full submission, and sleek. The make-up made you look like a modern day Rita Hayworth, and the gowns were always stunning. You've traded down sister. Leave homeless "chic" to the Zoester. I'll style you next year. For free!
Before I rail further, let me give some shouts out;Best Dressed Ladies:
Eva Longoria -- that is glamour. WOW.
Christina Applegate -- the newest member of the one boob club threw it down on the carpet last nite. She always looks so great. And ladies, if you are looking for a style icon -- watch her show "Samantha Who" (Monday's ABC at 9:00 -- she always looks fantastic, and a lot of her outfits are available at normal mall-based stores).
Maggie -- Jake's sister: she has NEVER looked better. Honestly, she's always good for a red carpet blunder, but this year she KILLED in Lanvin (also Kristin Scott Thompson in Lanvin). She looked amazing. AMAZING. And she handled the absurdly stupid questions about Heath Ledger (on both E! and NBC's red carpet coverage beautifully). Seriously, how hard is it to interview these people? This is their job, and you'd think these "correspondents" emerged from a cave to do the interviews. Who DIDN'T know that Sting was NOT NOMINATED for a Globe? Someonme get me Gaycrest's number. I guarantee you that my audition tape would ensiure Juliana DiPandi's return to obscurity (seriously, people, WHY does this woman still have a job???!!! Sophie's poo is more articulate and frankly way more attractive) .
Elizabeth Moss -- loved the 1950's cocktail dress in red. Very "Written on the Wind"
Kate Winslett -- absolutely stunning. I love her. And her performance in "Revolutionary Road" -- incredible.
Beyonce -- can you believe it took me this long to discuss her?! She was a complete knockout in Elle Saab (the designer popularized by Halle Berry for years -- a number of people sport him now). Did you see the necklace???!!!! I bet that's hers and it ain't borrowed. Jay-Z's got MAD money (and he's GOT to be coughing it up -- Together those two look like a kidnapping. I keep looking for the gun he is clearly got to her back. I mean, he is immensely talented and successful, but DAYUM! he's ugly. God. And she's one of the most beautiful women in the world and RICH and successful. She could do SOOOOO much better. Like yours truly! or more realistically, how about . . . um, anyone!
Anne Hathaway --- another favorite of mine, Anne positively glowed last night. The dress was killer. Perfect hair, perfect make-up. And her performance in "Rachel Getting Married" absolutely deserved a Globe nod.
Kate Capshaw (Spielberg's wife) - best she's ever looked. being rich really does mean you can look good. I don't know what Rachel Zoe's excuse is. . . .
Rachel Griffiths -- "the nose from down un-DAH" has always been a target of mine for her red-carpet mis-steps, but she really came to play last night.
Cameron Diaz -- I loved her look -- I am pretty sure that was Chanel. She coulda used a brush too.
Meghan Fox -- again, one of the hottest women ever born, was stunning in gold Armani
Jane Krakowski -- beautiful, old Hollywood.
Kate Beckinsdale -- someone saved her life and fed her. And thank God they did. Amazing J. Mendel dress. She's back baby!!!!
Laura Liney -- breee-zilllllli-ant actress and girlfriend looked her best ever. Amazing Elle Saab gown, and she looked stunning. Like sunshine.
January Jones -- (star of Mad Men and actress who most deserved to win her category) two words: Veronica. Lake.
And I know the person who will take the biggest beating from last night -- Renee Zellweger-- but. I am going to surprise you: I liked it. Not 100 percent, but I did like it. That gown (Carolina Herrera? or Chanel?) was TREMENDOUS. So old Hollywood. Made her look 10 feet tall and gave her boy-like figure some curves. I can see Joan Crawford, Gene Tierany, Rita, or a young liz taylor wearing this same gown back in their heydays. But it was modernized. Now, the hair was a mess. And make-up artists STILL haven't figured out a way to put this girl in make-up that doesn't make her look washed out, blotchy, and pale. That said, from the neck down -- I stand by the dress. Take your best shot.
Best Dressed Guy:
Simon Baker (smooth talker who beds Anne Hathaway's character in "Devil Wears Prada") was different, but gorgeous. Remember, "evening clothes" for men started as midnight blue. The Duke of Windsor himself fancied the midnight blue evening suit. Plus, when you look like that. . . Aaron Eckhart -- hawt.
Leo -- man. Man. For years this guy has demonstrated he's grown up and matured into one of our finest actors (move over Ed Norton), and he shows up at award shows looking every bit the classic Hollywood star. In Armani. Of course.
Brad -- in Tom Ford -- other than the fact that he needed to trim the goatee (those gray hairs can be unruly -- believe me -- I know), he looked great. But since Angelina showed up looking like she forgot to brush her hair . . . . (more on her later)
Terrence Howard: Good showing.
Tommy Cruise: Yeah, yeah, the guy is annoying. check. But he looked great last night. In HAND MADE Armani. First, that means he bought it. Second, how much do you think THAT cost??? Not Haute Couture. Hand woven, hand-made by Armani. Although I normally think double-breasted should be worn ONLY by men over 5'10", it somehow worked for Thomas.
Okay, enough praise. Now for the good stuff.
Poor Nancy O'Dell. I know she wanted to look different -- a different ray of light on the red carpet. Unfortunately, she looked different -- lovely. Lovely said like you would to a date who shows up to take you to a black-tie gala in a powder tuxedo (name the person who originally spoke that line for a prize!). But let me suggest this: someone should call Cher right now to have an emergency counsel meeting to revoke the gay cards of the queens who styled her for last night's show. I mean, really. Nancy seems nice. Why on earth would you make her look like . . well. . Rachel Zoe??!!! (Yup, it's Rachel's year!) So, so sad.
J Lo: two words sister: It's OV-VAH. Go back to Miami with Skeletor-Latino (Marc Anthony) and take care of those babies. Gold Marchesa. Hmm. It screamed "pay attention to me so I can feel somehow relevant!!!!" And it failed. Big time!
Drew Barrymore: I loved the dress. Loved it. And I know what her queens were going for with the hair -- they wanted Marylin Monroe. Sadly it was more Rose Nyland from the Golden Girls. Cotton candy. And I know her make-up artist is a black queen because he smothered her eyelids with that horrible, 'round-the-way-girl sky blue eye shadow. I mean, lord. And poor Jessica Lange. Age is so cruel.
Angelina. Look, I am on team Jolie -- that said, now that Jennifer Aniston lost the butt-part in favor of the side part, I MIGHT rethink things ( i do love Jen in movies) -- but seriously, that's the worst she's looked on the red carpet since she had her tongue down her brother's throat. I'm not even sure she knew she was going to be on tv. That drab grey dress. That "I lost a brush in here" hair. Yikes.
Ashton -- hey dude, Tom Jones from 1978 -- who told you that was hot? I know, I know -- Rachel Zoe. Damn, the b*tch strikes again.
Lawrence Fishburn -- um. No.
America Ferrera: honey, no need to attend award shows in character as Ugly Betty. I mean, that's the ugliest Oscar de la Renta cocktail dress I've ever seen. And she can't wear a butt-part either.
Eva Mendez -- she's just trash. I mean, she cursed on air (red carpet), acted like a total b*tch, and all of that ruined her otherwise perfect hair and make up (renee -- take a page), and a great dress -- but for that growth from the 80s on the right side.
As for the awards, did anyone notice that over 70% of the awards went to non-Americans? That's one. And before you fire up the hate mail, I simply NOTICED this -- I didn't say this was a bad thing. Two, Mickey Rourk's speech was disgusting. Disgusting, I tells ya. And his very appearance. I mean, honestly -- ooohhhh, oooooo it's his big comeback. Really? To what?!!! I don't recall a big push for films about The Elephant Man or Monsters? Other than a "Mask" remake, what can he possibly star in? A fun romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon? Um, not so much. I will say this: he actually might benefit from Rachel Zoe's styling -- it can't get worse, can it? John Hamm from Mad Men was robbed of a repeat as "best actor in a series" award (he won last year). And Ana Pachyderm, I mean Pacquin, robbed the far more deserving Kyra Sedgwick (sister lost all her money in that Madoff scandal -- poor Baconwick (no? I'm trying it out). I LOVE Kyra in "The Closer" -if you aren't watching, TNT Jan. 26th) or January Jones. That show Ana's on -- "True Blood" -- is unwatchable (yeah, I know, the cheese stands alone here -- again), and other than the fact that she shows her boobs a lot, what is she bringing to the table?
Who was that eating-disorder skank who won for "Happy Go Lucky?" I could spend paragraphs on her, but that'd be like taking candy from a baby.
Tom Brokaw -- kudos for wearing velvet, but didn't it look like Tom was smuggling a turkey under that thing? Look, when my clothes don't fit, it's understandable. I am poor, and I don't appear on television (darn networks!). Tom's rich! A seamstress isn't too much to ask for, is it?
Paul Giamoti -- the perfect example of Hollywood's double standard. No woman that ugly is ever allowed on screen unless they are playing toothless, cockney hags. Or on Bravo's "The Rachel Zoe Project." And note to Paul -- I love him as an actor -- enough with the John Adams mutton-chops. The film wrapped a year ago. Also, belts are not to be worn with formal clothing.
Tracy Morgan -- this brand of humor doesn;'t sit well with me. Also, a white jacket is approprate post Easter, pre-labor day or in the tropics.
Only two weeks until the SAG wrap-up! Stay tuned!
Introducing . . . .
Hey there!
I did it. I did exactly what y'all assigned me to do . . . . I created a blog. I am not even sure how to make this thing work visually -- let alone what content is appropriate to share. I guess I am thinking this will take the place of my usual email rants -- hence the name "dartsrants" (thanks Linds). We'll see.
I did it. I did exactly what y'all assigned me to do . . . . I created a blog. I am not even sure how to make this thing work visually -- let alone what content is appropriate to share. I guess I am thinking this will take the place of my usual email rants -- hence the name "dartsrants" (thanks Linds). We'll see.
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